Managing people

Resilient, Not Relentless

By Nichola Morgan MCIPD · Reviewed 7 October 2026

What a room of women leaders, Professor Jackie Ford and Dr Julia Morgan taught me about how we lead.

On Thursday 1st October I hosted the first Resilient, Not Relentless evening at White Coco in Harrogate. It was a small, deliberate gathering of women leaders: a glass of fizz, a beautiful shop, and an honest conversation about what leadership asks of us and what it costs.

I've spent my career in HR and operations, and the last six years embedded in a growing business. One thing I've learned is that the more responsibility you carry, the more people bring to you. Women in particular are very good at saying "it's fine, I'll sort it". I wanted to explore the point at which being resilient tips into being relentless.

To help us, I was joined by Professor Jackie Ford of Durham University Business School, whose research focuses on leadership, gender and women's working lives, and Dr Julia Morgan, Head of the Leadership Centre at Leeds Business School. These are some of the themes that came up.

Wearing the suit, but leading differently

Jackie and Julia took us back to women in professional roles in the 1980s. To be accepted, many felt they had to be "macho": wear the suit and the shoulder pads, and act like the men around them.

What struck me was what those women did well underneath the suit. They worked the floor. They related to people, showed genuine care and concern, and gave feedback in a way that was often far better received than the approach of their male colleagues. They also became skilled at navigating inappropriate banter, which was simply part of the working day.

Care is starting to be rewarded

We talked about how that caring, relational style of leadership has slowly started to be recognised. Jacinda Ardern's leadership in New Zealand during Covid was a powerful example of what a caring, authentic female leader can look like on the world stage.

We contrasted this with Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In" approach, which encouraged women to adapt to the model their male counterparts set. The view in the room was that while this worked for some, it didn't speak for the many women who haven't had the same experience or opportunities.

Sending the ladder back down

That led to an honest discussion about "Queen Bees": women who reach senior positions and pull the ladder up behind them rather than bringing others along on the journey. Most of us could think of an example. More importantly, it was a reminder that those of us now in positions of influence get to choose a different way.

Still working that little bit harder

One of the most recognisable themes was the tendency for women to work that little bit harder and stay that little bit later to prove themselves. Jackie felt strongly that this hasn't gone away. It has been carried into this generation of women in work, too. There were a lot of knowing nods around the room.

Imposter, or just winging it?

A moment that clearly stayed with people was the observation that when men take on something new, they tend to call it "winging it". When women do exactly the same thing, we call it imposter syndrome. Same situation, very different story about ourselves. Perhaps some of what we label as self-doubt is simply learning on the job, which everyone does.

Can you have it all?

We also debated the question that never quite goes away: can women really have it all? Rather than settling on an answer, the conversation turned to what "all" actually means. Success doesn't have to mean the next promotion, a bigger team or more responsibility. It can also mean autonomy, influence, health, relationships and actually having a life.

Designing work that fits

We finished on a hopeful note. More and more women are starting their own businesses, and with the support of AI, they are able to design roles that fit their lives. They can do the work they are passionate about with the flexibility and autonomy that traditional jobs often can't offer.

That felt like the heart of the evening. Resilience shouldn't mean learning to tolerate more. It might mean knowing what deserves our energy, having people around us who understand, and building work that doesn't require us to be relentless to succeed.

In their words

I asked guests afterwards what they took from the evening. A couple of their replies:

You created a safe space for us all to share experiences, thoughts and concerns. Knowing that we are not alone in what we experience is powerful. It was great to step away from the day-to-day and talk openly about some of the pressures we don't always get the chance to discuss.

— Sabine Robinson, Marketing Director, Advantage Support

For me, debating the ultimate question of whether you can have it all was insightful. I loved the academic link and the stories that Dr Julia Morgan and Professor Jackie Ford brought to the discussion. And it's no surprise I got carried away with the wonderful White Coco personal shopping experience!

— Gemma Clark, Partner, PwC

Thank you

A huge thank you to Jackie and Julia for their generosity, honesty and insight. Thank you to Sarah and the team at White Coco for hosting us so beautifully, and to every woman who came along and brought so much to the conversation.

Nichola Morgan MCIPD, Director, Aware HR Consultancy

General information, not legal advice. Correct as at October 2026; timetables can change.